How To Go On Dating After a Toxic RelationshipNegative or abusive relationships can have a lasting negative impact on the victims who undergo abuse both in their general lives and in future relationships. Getting out of such toxic relationships is your first victory and the first step on the road to recovery. The road to recovery is bumpy and long but if you stick with it you will get your groove back.
The following are some tips that will help overcome a toxic relationship and get you back on to the dating scene.
Take Time Off From The Dating Scene
After an abusive or negative relationship, it can be tempting to want to jump right into another relationship. Most people fear to be lonely or just struggle to cope without having a special someone around. The key thing to remember is after any negative relationship we need time to heal, we must give ourselves some room to deal with any negative experiences we have been through.
This time of self-healing will enable you to rediscover the person you were before in terms of self-esteem, mindset and perspective on relationships. You need to be mindful of others, the worst thing we can do is carry over negativity to a new relationship, that’s unfair on a new partner, give yourself a chance to heal, there’s no rush, the dating scene can wait.
After a toxic relationship, a lot of harboured feelings of hate and regret can crop up to the surface. It is important to remember that the abuse could have happened to anybody and that it is not your fault whatsoever. Learn to love yourself again, maybe treat yourself to an activity like a spa date or reuniting with friends and family.
Don’t put yourself down or criticize yourself, regardless what has happened has happened, it’s in the past, we have no control over our past only our future and what will become. Learn to love yourself again, rediscover who you truly are.
This sounds easier said than done but it is a crucial step when filled with regret and self-doubt. Remember that you are not perfect and neither is anyone walking on the face of the earth.
Self-blame is the number one issue most people face when moving on from a toxic relationship, it’s easy to turn on ourselves and start to wonder if we were the problem as opposed to our partner. Regardless of your individual circumstance, we have to accept that nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. Even IF you did get things wrong in past relationships, toxicity and abuse is never ok, nobody should be on the receiving end of that negativity.
So stop blaming yourself. What happened will serve to make you stronger so wake up, dust yourself up and live to fight another day.
Invest In You
If your past relationship was exceptionally long, you may want to take some time to think about yourself. Invest and pamper yourself.
In a relationship we often focus on and invest a lot of time into our partners, love is a very selfless thing and more often than not we’ll always dismiss our own wants and needs and prioritise our partners. Now you’re single it’s time to invest in you, get out there do the things you’ve wanted to do, take up a new hobby, get stuck into new activities.
Take time to do activities that you excel at for example playing the piano, philanthropy, exercise and others. These activities will take your mind off the negative things that have happened in the past. When you excel at these activities they will also remind you of the champion you are which will help in the journey to stability.
Avoid Addictive Behaviors
When undergoing recovery from a bad relationship, it is wise to avoid addictive behaviours like drinking and gambling. The healing process can get tough and at times, many people may look for an escape in these addictive behaviours. The truth is these addictive behaviours are likely to lead to more problems and complications and will only delay the healing process.
Once you’re good and ready, move on and learn to love again.
Don’t make assumptions, never asume that a new partner is going to be like your ex. This isn’t only unfair on your new partner but it’s setting the relationship up to fail.
If you’re struggling with this chances are you probably aren’t quite ready to move on yet.
Here are some final points to recap:
- Don’t move too fast – move at your own pace and take the time to learn about your dates.
- Don’t ignore the red flags – in hindsight, the red flags are always there we mostly choose to ignore them. Be vigilant at all times.
- You deserve the best – don’t settle for less than what you think you deserve. If you are not being treated as you should walk away before it is too late.
- Get other opinions – have the person you are dating your friends from time to time and get to hear their opinion on what they think of them.
- You will eventually get there so enjoy the journey.